Something came up today that has shaken me up. And, not in a good way. I would love to just ignore the situation,
but, being an adult, I have to deal with it.
It is a conflict situation involving money, and I feel that the amount
is unfair, and the request is ballsy. Basically, it is one of the usual
suspects for pulling me into a scarcity mindset. So, the question is, how do I deal with it
without going into a thought spiral, dragging the energy of it into the future,
and getting way off course in the big picture?
Identifying this (our reactions) as a part of a pattern, is
a good first step. I hate to use the
word trigger, but if it is terminology that resonates with you, feel free to
think of it that way. Situations that
pull us down the rabbit hole before we have a chance to think about our
reaction can have a lot of influence in our life, especially if we are
operating on default mode. Going with
the flow of this type of situation is not a great approach because it often
reinforces thought patterns, reactions and triggers emotional responses that
are part of subconscious programming. Identifying this is happening and taking steps
to get control of the situation are critical.
And, it is never too late to recognize what is happening. Just because you are mid reaction, doesn’t
mean you can’t press the pause button and decide how you want to react, rather than
your impulsive reaction.
The good news is, we
can change this. We can reprogram
ourselves. And we certainly don’t need
to go with every situation into drama, stress, conflict and pain. Mind the gap between stimulus and
response. Use the gap to get control of
your emotions. Decide how you can
respond with integrity and love. Put it
into action. Reflect after the situation
is no longer urgent. During your
reflection, take the time to feel the emotions that you need to in order to
resolve the situation. If you feel hurt,
sad, angry, abandoned, taken advantage of, or any of many things, take the time
to feel what you need to. Give it space
to express itself however it needs to.
Maybe you need to celebrate the wins if you were able to speak your
truth and act with integrity. Then, find
your way back through a meditation, take a walk, exercise, act mindfully, or do
another exercise to clear the energy around it.
Things that may have served or protected us in the past, but
are not taking us where we want to go in the future may be your subconscious’s
way of protecting you, so don’t feel bad if these things come up. We all have them. We have to power to decide if, or how far
down the rabbit hole we go. The trick is
figuring out you’re reacting in a loop, and putting the breaks on. Make a gap so you can react how you want to,
rather than how you are programmed to.
If you have time, I like to meditate before responding to conflict. 5 minutes can be a game changer. If I can, I do a whole yoga class. It really helps open the gap between stimulus
and response. It also helps me to
identify how I can act with integrity, rather than just lashing out. I usually find the words or actions are clear
once I take some mental space from it.
It also gives you practice in taking your thoughts away from the
situation. (It practices keeping
control, so that when you have to deal with in real time, you are less likely
to fly off the handle, and if you do, you have practiced getting back to a
I realize this is so much easier to say than to do. But, like all things, practice helps to
strengthen the neural pathways in the brain that control your reactions. So even if you are able to interrupt the process
of anger, thought spirals, fear, whatever it has stirred up that you don’t want
to create more of, it is a win.
Awareness is so powerful. Maybe
you aren’t able to take control this time, but you identify that it is one of
these loops. Next time, you have a plan,
and can react differently then. Keep on
practicing, keep on strengthening. You
can do it. I can do it. We can make the world a better place if we
can all set an intention to lead with our hearts. To be kind with others AND ourselves.